RAPPERS TURNING INTO TV STARS??
I am taking a comercial break from the music for just a minute to get some stuff off of my chest! See that look on Sticky Fingaz face in the photo on the right! That's the same look that I had on my face when I saw the previews for the upcoming Blade TV show where he's playing the main character? Yep, that's Sticky Fingaz from the 90's rap group Onyx! Bacdafucup!! I was totally stunned, and not for good reason either?? Honestly, I have no ill feelings toward Sticky personally, but I just wonder how this happened? First of all, Sticky is not just a long time member, but he's probably the Vice President of the Hair Club For Men! He's bald dammit! The Blade character isn't bald (atleast in the version that we know about)?? Didn't these folks at Spike TV read the Blade comic books, or even watch the Blade trilogy DVDs featuring Wesley Snipes? Plus, Sticky is not the greatest actor either (see: Next Friday & Ride)? I won't even mention that loosey-goosey right eye he has either (see: Notorious B.I.G. & Musiq Soulchild)! Is he looking at me, or is he looking at you?? He better keep them shades on for the whole series too!
For those of you that have no clue about what or who Sticky Fingaz is, I have included two video clips for your viewing pleasure from YouTube to hopefully bring some clarity to this situation? The first is a clip of the drunkened, crazy, and possibly suicidal Sticky Fingaz? Why is he acting so looney you ask? Well, it's probably because the last Onyx album only sold 167 copies total! The second clip is a preview of the new Blade TV series! Watch them both and leave a comment telling me what you think?
Sticky Fingaz Suicidal??
First, he's a crazy nut!!
Blade tv series trailer
Now, he's Blade? What a joke!
It wouldn't be fair to just pick on Sticky Fingaz, when there have been so many bad TV show choices involving rappers over the last few years! Let's start with Sticky's partner in crime who is also a group member of Onyx as well, Fredro Starr! For those of you that were unlucky enough to watch the crappy, but hilarious "Dance 360" TV show last year, you've seen Fredro Starr! What a waste of airtime! I guess this was supposed to be the new millenium version of Dance Fever? Ummmm...Nope!! Watching the corny Cali folks get on there and shake a tale feather for some Audiovox stereo equipment and a Wrangler denim shopping spree at Wal-Mart was definitely entertaining, but yet insulting at the same time? The two hosts (Fredro Star & Kel Mitchell from Good Burger) were just too dayum happy about being on the show! Well, I am sad to say that Dance 360 is no longer on the air! Hmmmm, I wonder why???
Moving on to the VH1 abuse of has been rappers! First they put po MC Hammer on the Surreal Life tv show! That show has "My career is really finished" written all over it! Hammer dancing with Webster on stage was hilarious though, but yet sad at the same time? Then Pepa from the group Salt-N-Pepa popped up on there a couple seasons later! Pep took a full grown banana and performed a porn type magic trick that made women jealous and men wish they were Treach back in the day! I don't know about you, but Pepa has always looked kinda Zulu Nation-Amazonish to me, but little trick she did pushed her up a notch though? Last but not least, Da Brat found herself on Surreal Life too! She swore her career was not over, but when was the last time she had an album out?? The He-She look Da Brat sports is confusing to me sometimes? It was sorta cute (I guess) back when she was 15, but now it seems a little strange! I mean wearing a lace bra and a jock strape is not sexy! The Surreal Life just shows what has beens will do just to make a buck! I know you didn't think I forgot about Flavor Flav did you?
Of course not! He also got his shot on the Surreal Life show as well, still sportin' broken kitchen clocks around his neck and gold teeth in his mouth! He supposedly fell in love with the 6-foot amazon actress with heavy wrinkles, Brigitte Neilson that led perfectly into a spin-off tv show called, "Strange Love." It was strange alright! As dumb as the show was, there was a curiosity that made people watch! Almost like watching a giraffe and a beaver mating on an episode of The Most Extreme on the Animal Planet channel...you know you should watch it, but you just have to see it! The Strange Love show had enough baffoonary to last a lifetime, but VH1 and Flavor Flav didn't stop there? After Brigitte and Flavor's strange love ended with a teary-eyed break-up (yeah, right), Flav came back on a quest to find true love on his next show, "Flavor of Love!" Can you believe all these attractive women that would normally vomit at the sight of Flav, all of the sudden wanted him for their sugar daddy? Negrow...Please!!! Flavor couldn't even believe this tv trickery? Some of the women couldn't even pretend to enjoy being intimate with his crispy burnt frame, but money will make most people do anything? Oh yeah, 15 minutes of fame will too! Watching Flav eat a meal and kiss those women in the mouth could make anyone turn the channel, but like mindless zombies... record numbers of people kept watching each episode? For that reason, there will be a Flavor of Love (Season 2) for those of you that didn't get enough of Flav's shinanogins in the first season!
Next up is Eve of Destruction! Where is the Ruff Rydin' Ride or Die chic I used to love from back in the day with blonde colored boy like hairstyle? The sassy mommie with the tight leather jump suits that would spit a rhyme that could make the hardest male rapper blush. She's gone? Eve traded in her motorcycle in for an real unfunny sitcom called, "Eve" where she sports bad wigs and says corny jokes? She went from grimey to goofy? Talk about bubble gum tv! I have laughed harder in a horror movie? Speaking of horror, how in hell did DMX trick BET into giving him a reality tv show about his life?? We already know more than we want to already DMX! How much more drinkin', druggin' and drivin' can the urban community take?? I would pick on Lil' Kim for that uneventful look into the last days of her life before she went to cell block 8 (jail), but she's still there...so I'll wait!! Thanks again BET! Always providing that quality black entertainment?
Believe it or not, there is one rapper turned actor that I like, and that's Ice T! He's doing his thing in the small screen! I never knew an ex-criminal could play such a good cop?? I guess all those arrests finally paid off?
Well....that's my 2 cents! I actually feel better now! I guess every rapper can't be Will Smith and Queen Latifah? If you thought I was being hard on the rappers on tv shows, wait until my next episode where I speak on the rappers that pretend to act in movies!! Ja Rule and Beanie Sigel...prepare yourselves for some serious verbal abuse playaz!!!
Make sure you click around the highlight names for some extra goodies before you leave!! You'll regret missing the DMX shocker for sure! Now, that's comedy!!
OK...WE WILL RETURN TO THE PREVIOUS SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING!